Frequently, I will fall madly in love with a piece of furniture that leaves even my closest friends & allies scratching their heads in confusion. Such was the case with my new desk. When I first showed it to my husband, I could tell he was skeptical, but knew better than to say so...When the glimmer is in my eye, just back away.
It was love at first glance on Craigslist for me:
So I contacted the owner to arrange a viewing. We had several conversations over the course of a few days while attempting to fit our schedules together and I learned that the desk had belonged to his mother and he had the pity-able task of sorting out her belongings. I told him that I was a furniture maker and would take really good care of it...that I wasn't sure if I would refinish it, or leave it alone, but either way it would be loved. In a small way, I think these exchanges may have been a bit therapeutic for him, as I sensed he was perhaps a bit choked up on the other line.
I should mention, in addition to being incredibly kind, he was also extremely fair with the price ($45 for desk, chair, & mirror) and generously offered to deliver it to me for free.
So yesterday, when he showed up, it was an easy no brainer. I saw it on the truck, knew it was love, handed him the money, and brought it in the house. It was a little dirty from being in storage, but a little simple green & elbow grease was all it took to clean up nicely:
While pulling out one of the drawers, my husband discovered hidden treasures had fallen into the back of it. I couldn't believe it - a beautiful desk AND hidden treasure! I had hit the jackpot. The best things we found: an antique bottle opener, stolen from a San Francisco hotel called The Raphael; a porcelain lid to a tiny box (this must have made her CRAZY trying to find it); an old silver swiss army knife? or nail cutter?; and best of all - a tiny gold skeleton key with a #2 on it.
Doesn't that just pique your sense of wonder & adventure like crazy???!!!! WHAT on earth does that key open and HOW will I find it?
Well, those questions may have to go unanswered. I plan to call the man today and offer him what I found...but I'm REALLY hoping he doesn't want them back, because I love them so much! I would like to keep them with the desk, either displayed behind my computer or in a shadow box on the wall. Each item has so much history and so many secrets to tell...If I am allowed to keep them, I know they will provide endless inspiration and possibly good luck while spending long hours feverishly writing at this desk.
When I was a desk jockey in San Francisco, I frequently changed my desktop image to something happy and tropical because I was, well - unhappy & cold. Now that I'm back in Hawaii, I wanted to put some images out into the internets, in case anyone out there is searching for warm, flowery, happy, tropical, Hawaii wallpaper:
As the pipe clamp blisters began to pop and heal on my hands, I knew I was in a race against myself to find my next gig in woodworking. I had just quit my job after I was put on a mandatory 72-hour work week schedule, which was neither safe nor necessary in the warehouse where I was a full time furniture maker. From my first taste of sawdust, I was hooked. I loved everything about it, especially the aches & pains associated with putting in a hard day of manual labor.
I had moved thousands of miles from my industrial Michigan factory roots, only to go to college and decide the blue collar life is what I wanted. I quit my job, only when it was obvious that it would either kill or permanently injure me...but it was still one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. Besides the fact that I love it, I realize now how wrapped up I was in the identity of being just one thing...In my working life, I have always had to have at least three side hustles going on and I've done everything from nude modeling, to being a maid, a well-paid executive assistant, an extra in movies, a make-up artist, to an apprentice sander in a woodshop.
When I call home to update my family, typically, whatever it is I describe is met with unconditional love & acceptance, even if there is a tinge of it not necessarily being understood. As a woodworker, I was finally able to align myself with an identity - one thing that I loved being and doing...and it was so much easier to explain that!
Predictably, when the job fell apart, I scrambled for any paying gig I could find on craigslist. As it turns out, it was a good time to be involved with film making and I even signed up for acting classes. Being involved in the process is as exciting as it seems like it would be - even the long hours of waiting, while being completely dressed to the nines for a 6:00 a.m. call time, shouldn't be exciting, but it still is.
Around this time I also found work as a fit model, working for a local design house. It's a job that pays very well but the work is inconsistent. Still, I am extremely thankful to have it, even if it is a bit weird for me to use it as an identifier at the dentist's office and have the receptionist squeal and ask me a bunch of questions about the job. That's a rock star moment, I'm not going to lie, but it's completely foreign to me to identify myself as "model" in any capacity...especially when "factory rat" was a closer signifier just weeks ago.
I'm not sure if all the discomfort in lacking a fixed occupation or identity squarely rests on my shoulders, or if I am reacting to other people's confusion when I try to explain, "Well, I'm actually a furniture maker, but I'm out of work, so I'm doing the acting and modeling thing, while looking for another woodworking gig." Who does that? I'm not sure if I even understand myself anymore.
In the long run, it's probably a good thing that I am so versatile & adaptable - I always have something relevent for any type of resume I'm creating for myself (and I have at least 3); but I long for the day when I have a short answer to the question, "So what do you do?"
Of course I'm thankful for family and friends but God's mercy and grace are freshest in my mind. Without knowing God I would almost certainly still be lost, guilty, ashamed, and self centered. So today I'd say that I am most thankful for the painful course of events that put me on my knees - a necessary and life saving humbling no doubt. This is my first Turkey day as a believer and it rocks!
-Thanks, Jon Marler (via BlackBerry)
It was 15 years ago today that Donkey Kong Country was released on the SNES.
And with it, brought forth this absurd notion that Better Graphics = Better Game.
Eye candy doesn't hurt, but this game was great because it was fun. Gameplay and control were spot-on, and had some very cool level design and environments (snow, swimming & cave levels FTW). It was definitely the kind of game that was easy to get lost in for a few hours at a time, and had plenty of varied & challenging (yet not too challenging) levels to do just that.
DKC shares an important place in what became a small flood of top-shelf games in the Fall of '94 that included Final Fantasy "3" (6), Illusion of Gaia, Earthworm Jim, Sonic & Knuckles (though IMO Sonic 3 was as good as the series ever got), Sega's 32X (okay maybe not all were 'top-shelf', but I have fond memories of playing Doom listening to Green Day's 'Dookie' album, so I'll include it), Killer Instinct in the arcade, the Sega Saturn & Sony Playstation in Japan, among others I'm sure.
Ah memories.
Damn I feel old now. :)
My first job was working as a make-up artist in my mom's cosmetic shop, which was located in "the dead mall" across the street from the mega-mall, where everyone respectable went to shop. The only folks who ventured into the dead mall were those with bizarre fetishes they wanted to try out in "public" without actually being too far out into the public sphere. My four hour shift was often punctuated with high school principals and construction workers in drag, trying out the new high heels they just scored at Payless; a 60 yr. old woman dressed as a naughty school girl being led around on a leash by her husband; your occasional flasher; foot fetish guy who would creepily make me show him the colors of "toenail" polish we carried and on & on...
Anyway, it appears that Vox is now the dead mall. Of course, I'm sure there are still many "respectable" folks on here...but more so, there are a lot just letting their freak flag fly. And I love it. You are my people and I'm happy to be back. But don't send me pictures of your penis. Thanks.
Hello Members of Girl Germs,
I am very sorry that I went MIA for so long and spammers have been allowed to contaminate this space. I'm back now and ready to lay the smack down. I nuked as many spam posts as I could find and members that are clearly robots...but I'm sure I didn't catch everything. If you see something that should be destroyed, please let me know so that I can take care of it.
Thank you so much for adding all this wonderful content to the group - I have enjoyed catching up with everything I missed and have learned a lot. Also, you have inspired me so much! I can't wait to start writing again!
xoxo,
Miss Scotch
In September, I began purposely distancing myself from various faucets of life. In particular, my online presence, Flickr, Vox, Facebook & Twitter, became virtually non existent for almost 2 solid months, some longer. Even recently my activity has been guarded.
I purposely took myself offline, and removed myself from real-life social situations in order to refocus on myself. After the events of 2008: being laid off, our miscarriage, moving out of our inner-city apartment, which became symbolic of our inner-city era, which were easily the best years of our lives, I found myself floundering through life. Putting on a brave face to the world, full of ambition, but feeling dead inside. Feeling guilty, feeling like I had failed, feeling hopeless.
Admittedly, I had a lot of hate in my head. It wasn't the result of those events in '08, or even the subsequent struggles of '09, it had been building for years prior. The drama and the politics, and perhaps the injustices of life built up gradually over time, and came to a head. My anger was directed at various people and various situations, and in many cases it was justified, but it blinded me from the joy and positivity of life. I moved forward with a sense of false direction or purpose. I was motivated to act more by revenge, as if to attack with a "I'll show you" mentality, sizing myself up to others every step of the way. It took me nowhere, and by September I had hit my breaking point.
It's really only been in recent weeks that I feel I've had that "eureka!" moment that has changed my perspective, or at least begun to. Every day is a challenge, and some are better than others, but at the root of it, a single word has become the foundation from which to build from: Discipline.
Inspired by Theo Fleury's recent comeback attempt to the NHL, and all the "positive chaos" that has surrounded him in recent months, I realized that I was heading down a road towards self destruction, again. I had no structure even in my day-to-day routine. I realized I needed to focus solely on myself, and get back to basics, and that required discipline. I began by focusing on my health.
Whereas most people "hit the gym", I chose to "hit the rink", and began ice skating twice a week, by myself, having not skated in almost two years, and even back then, only skated for a few weeks, casually with Ange. In a way, I hadn't really skated in over 10 years. I started from scratch, I paid my dues, got hurt, got injured, and have fallen flat on my ass a few times. But in a way, it was symbolic of the woes of life. I think that people sometimes think that if we fall, some mysterious person will come by to pick us up, and essentially do it for us. There's no one coming to save you. It's all up to you. When I fell on the ice one of my first times, I remember sitting there, cold, covered in snow, wondering what to do: get up and leave/give up, or get up and try again. Either way, I had to get up by myself. What I chose to do afterwards would subsequently dictate the direction of my attitude. I chose to get up and try again. I've been going to the rink twice a week ever since, and today I skate better than I ever have before, and improving every time I go because I purposely challenge myself to try something I hadn't tried before. Discipline got me there.
I had issues brewing inside that I had merely tried to sweep under the carpet and forget, but that doesn't mean they went away. I realized I needed to bring those issues to the forefront and confront them, because otherwise, they simply linger by the wayside, waiting for an opportunity to attack and consume your mind.
Again, Theo Fleury helped inspire this realization after a post he made on his blog in which he lists the 12 steps from AA's "The Big Book". One step in particular that struck a chord with me was: "Made a fearless and thorough moral inventory of ourselves." To be brutally honest with yourself about the state of your life, and identify those demons responsible for bringing you to the place you find yourself now. To hold yourself accountable.
I have had a lot of hate in my head, but much of it was never confronted, or again, blinded me from acting with the proper intentions.
I've only just begun confronting those demons, where possible, but already I've seen a shift in my perspective. I've tried to turn the other cheek and, if unable to confront things, at least come to have peace with it, to put it behind me, but not out of hate, but out of growth. I've actively chosen to remove people and situations from my life whose energy is toxic to my own, who radiate negativity and engage in drama, politics or gossip. It does nothing positive for me, and I choose not to expose myself to it.
For me, a new chapter has clearly begun, and though every day is a challenge, I at least wake up every day looking forward to them, as opposed to trying to skirt by them just to get through the day. There has been a lot of changes that seem to have come as a result of this new-found discipline and attitude, and plenty more to come, I'm sure of it.
So, I've been using my Typepad account instead of VOX, and whenever I come back over this way I have shit loads of spam comments to delete. Surely, VOX, if you delete a spam account, it should automatically delete all of the spam comments they've left as well?
